Le Me

Full-time Hibernating Bear

navigation

Guilty Pleasures

Cats, Smiling Babies, Sleeping, Snacking and Procrastinating

I am having some weird ass rash on my finger, hands and feet and it is so annoying because it is an itchy rash. I think it started on Tuesday night? And it was so itchy then that I kept waking up.



I did Google about it and yea there is a name and stuff but they said the cause is unknown and so they don't really state how to treat it other than some cream? I believe it is the weather though. Like how dry it is, adding with how I bathe and never seem to dry myself off properly. It isn't anything serious but it is just annoying.

On a flip side, I just went to get my TB screening yesterday for my application to the US and yea, I'm waiting for the results on to come out on Monday. It was a really close shave to be honest. Thank god for my instinctive sense. My friends and I were waiting for the confirmation from our application and did not realise that we had to complete our health screening on a separate date from our applications so I just found out on Friday that we had to submit our health applications in by next Friday and I freaked. It takes at least 3 days for the TB screening results to be out and if we want to take some other vaccination, there may be some gap time between the first shot and the next.

So thank heavens I read it pretty much just on time for us all to complete just the bare minimum for our application. I really wish the school could send us some kind of announcement for these sort of things really. I mean none of us even knew about it until I so coincidentally checked the site again. Let's just hope the applications goes smoothly so that I can go to buffalo because I am really excited to go.

Today, I did something unexplainable and pretty stupid. I cried over a calculator. So, the story goes down like this. I lent my brother one of my calculators (which coincidentally is pretty much the only one that works properly) months ago. I kept asking it back from him because I need it for my exams too but it never came back. During my last accounting exam on Tuesday, the last of my calculators broke and I had to do multiplications in powers tediously on a nonscientific calculator. So now that I have another test today, I asked it back for it but for heavens I can't seem to find it anywhere with his descriptions over the phone and basically it is no where to be found. I am 30 minutes later than when I wanted to leave the house to school and I have no calculator.

I don't know what struck in me but I just started crying even though the calculator probably costs less than $20. I mean it isn't even something sentimental to me, but at that moment I was just so upset that I had no calculator that I just cried.

This reminds me of the past me. I used to be such a huge crybaby. When I was 7, my classmates would call me names and even though it wasn't meaning anything bad, but just an alteration of my real name, just a few mentions of it is enough to get me to cry. I don't like people to see me cry though, so I always bury my head in my bag pretending to dig for something while I cried in class. But I stayed like that for a long period of time so I guess pretty much everyone could guess that I was crying.

Well, my friend just called me and when I mentioned that I needed to purchase a new calculator, she said that she would lend hers to me. That was what I cried for, can you even believe that?

Well, this topic came up because this really bad habit came up with schoolwork that I really can't stand. I am refering to people who doesn't make the effort to try and instead gets help from others to finish their work.

No. Honestly, doesn't these people just tick you off? I don't know if it is me who is selfish or it is them who are selfish. Since I'm still studying, let me give an example in my own terms. We had a small quiz for one of our modules that can be done like a survey. It allows for unlimited tries and we can do it until we achieve full marks. Sounds easy? Here is where it gets even easier - answers are Google-ble. Like I literally copy and pasted portions of the question into Google and the answer is right into my face. Easy peasy.

That is why I can't justify when people simply ask for answers as if it was impossible for them to achieve the answers on their own. They were multiple choice questions. Even if we did not read the question, we could choose one answer and submit it to see if it is right or wrong. It is a tedious process, yes, but if they don't even bother to watch the lectures, that is the least they could do to try and get their own grades, not ask for answers.

Another thing I absolutely cannot accept is backstabbing. To me, backstabbing marks the end of our friendship. The feeling of being backstabbed especially when they got their facts wrong is really both upsetting and infuriating. But you know what I love? Watching them backstabbers receive karma. When I was still in primary school, the was one day I forgot to do my homework, and so I skipped my recess to finish it. During which, I went down to the canteen during the last 5 minutes to grab myself a piece of bread with a friend who was only so nice as to accompany me. So imagine my surprise when my best friend got upset because "I lied to her so that I could go to recess with another friend." These rumours came from another girl in my clique. That was not as bad as what she did next though. She told my teacher that I copied my homework from the friend that kept me company right in front of the entire class. I was so embarrassed and angry and I swear I was on the verge of crying. But guess what? Apparently that teacher knew me well and she liked me quite alot as compared to that tattletale who she didn't really like. So the teacher scolded her instead of me and honestly I was never more glad.

This same girl is the one whom I still hold an grudge against because that was not the worse she did. She made my bestfriend and I quarrel over things that never happened and one day when she made me cry, instead of feeling sorry, all she said in front of the entire class was "She (me) is always like this (crying). This isn't the first time; it's just that none of you knew, " I'm sorry? Is making someone cry supposed to be something to be proud of? Is crying something people like to do in front of everyone? Right. Karma is when her crush is the guy that liked me instead.

I also can't stand it when people take my personal things without asking or behind my back. What I mean are things like my diary out my phone or something like this. If you take my phone right in front of my eyes and I don't say anything it means permission is silently granted. But doing it behind my back is just disgusting. Like this one guy who read my diary when I went up to talk to a teacher. Trust me, I didn't talk to him for nearly a year. And this one girl I invited to my place. Well guess what. She had friends over which I was completely fine with but she showed her friends around my house without me even knowing and they could have stolen something and I would never know. It should be common courtesy to wait for an offer or at least ask for permission before doing as you please in somebody else's place.

I think it should be the same for most people but it really spoils my day when I meet rude people. There was once I was out in 7eleven, buying a drink that came up to be $2.10. I paid the cashier $3 and she asked me snipely if I had a 10 cent coin. I did not hear it clearly and so I asked her, "I'm sorry?" with a smile. What I did not expect and I don't think I deserve either seeing as how I am a customer of the store was how she replied with a

"Oh, are you deaf? Nevermind, forget it."

I remembered asking "What?" in very clear shock and she did not answer before my friend took me away (not that I would have the guts to do anything anyway).

Yup, and those pretty much sums up what really dislike in people. Basically, I would say, as long as you're a decent honest person, I doubt I will have anything to rant about.

Well, in a single word, it is so dry these days. I have very dry skin without the weather acting up so now I'm getting little cuts out of no where on my fingers and legs or just awhile back I had a cut on my nose. I don't know how it would be in Buffalo but I have come to learn that lotions are a necessity for me haha.


On another note, I just had an accounting test today and I never would have expected that I would sit through the entire 2 hours of examinations. It was even an open book test and I pretty much referred to my text all the time. I know I got something wrong anyways. Thank god it was an open book test though. I didn't study shit and only pasted post its on my book just this morning. I would have probably failed so badly if it weren't an open book test.

I told myself that I would study during the weekend's but what did I do instead?
On Saturday I went out with my primary school friends for some venturing and exploring, talking and laughing. When I went back late afternoon that day, I decided I wanted to make some chocolate muffins and Red velvet cake - which I did. The cake frosting was a flop though. The whipped cream did not whip up and the cheese just collapsed. The muffins were a sellout though. Like I make 18 and they were all gone yesterday.




That same night, we watched Thor: The Dark World (again, or at least for me) and I swear, Loki is the funniest shit ever. I laughed so hard even though I knew all the jokes already. If you don't love Loki after Thor 2, don't speak to me. Haha I'm just kidding; after all, he is the villain. We continued to watch Frozen (the cartoon) after that (again, why do I always end up rewatching shows?). Somehow, it just didn't seem as good as the first time I watched it. I remember I cried watching it the first time but now it's just... meh.

Right. So what did I do on Sunday? Truthfully, I can't remember either. I think I slept through the entire day and then watched Howl's Moving Castle way past midnight. Yup, that's my usual weekend schedule.

Yesterday, a new shelf came and I spent the whole day decorating and arranging my stuff. I must say I really like it because before I had a table stacked with books that I don't use sitting like a white elephant but now I have my own reading corner. I haven't been finding the time to read all my stuff these days but I'm getting to it. 

So, I went out again (who needs to study, right?) for dinner with some of my mom's friends (who kinda became my friend as well as weird as that sounds). We had Peking duck! One of my favorites. I really love how it is crispy and all. I didn't take photos though, maybe next time.

And that is how my entire weekends went down without studying shit. Thank god it went sort of alright I guess? But I can only see how it goes when the results are out.

So, screw the awkward introductions and let me expose my entire being. Since I'm on this topic, let's go with something that can be related to this page. One of the things I'm bad at includes being consistent with blogging. I can't emphasize enough how many abandoned blogs I have that now only serves to remind me of my embarrassing and childish past. Maybe not only blogging. It is actually social media that I actually can't keep consistent about. My Facebook hasn't been updated since the mid of last year, I created a Twitter account which I have always found pointless and so far it has proven to be so, I have a snapchat account which I'm pretty sure I sent out less than 10 pictures and I'm known to not respond to certain smses simply because I don't know what to reply. The only things I update these days are my instagram and my tumblr. All these brings me to my next point.


I am really bad at expressing myself. Take it this way. I don't reply to messages because I don't know what to say, I don't post random status on my Facebook because I don't know how to phrase it, I don't use Twitter because it's pretty much the same thing. It's easier to express my thoughts when I'm talking face to face with someone else but even then, the introvert in me would at times choose to freeze up and blank out and I end up shutting up and (as my friends would like to put it) zone out.



I am a socially awkward potato or penguin which ever you prefer. It took me months in a new class of an old school for me to find friends even though I already knew some people there. It took me nearly a full year for me to find friends in the college I'm in right now and I could hardly find group mates before that. I guess it is also because I'm afraid of what is socially right and socially wrong for different people. I want to fit in so I end up not wanting to act out of the norm the first time I meet someone. When I'm not close to a person, I can be extremely quiet. I clamp my mouth shut and shut the hell up and that's the story of how my first two college terms turn out so miserable. Once I get to know people better though, it's as though I can't shut up at all. I comment on the most random things and do the stupidest things.

Despite all that, I think I might be rather choosy with my friends. If something doesn't seem right for me about someone, I wouldn't categorize them as my friend. If a friend hits a nerve or a sore spot and ultimately doesn't think they are wrong, I'm sorry but that too is a strike off the list.

With that said, I have a major disability to act like I care if I really don't. You can go on talking about games I don't understand or about something that simply does not interest me and I would go straight into the zoning out zone. If you tell me something that makes you upset and I don't agree to your point of view, I wouldn't act like I do and I wouldn't pretend to sympathize with you because I don't. It is better when it is over the net and I can take my time to think of what to type but in real life, I would just send you the are you freaking kidding me stare. Simply put it, I am very bad at lying.

When I lie, I tend to raise my volume a little and also my pitch would go higher and I'd laugh alot. I laugh alot on pretty much every occasion but add all 3 together and I'm probably trying to guide you to a surprise birthday party without you knowing. Well, that is for white lies at least. With other lies, I'd probably fidget alot and shuffle my feet. I'm not saying I don't lie. I probably exaggerate more often than I think I do but those are things I do subconsciously. Outrightly lying isn't one of my forte.

Similar to lying, I can't swear; well maybe not can't per say, more like I feel really uncomfortable doing it. There was one period of time when my peers are using it as if it were any other word in the dictionary. It was then that I remember using vulgarities like once or twice but I never did feel comfortable with it. Even when I'm quoting someone, I try my best not to use the vulgarities the other person has used. I don't stop people from using vulgarities casually but if someone directs it at me in a fit of anger I would tell them that I don't think I deserve to be called whatever they call me. I feel uncomfortable even typing a vulgarity and sometimes even disguise it like duck or something.

I am a grudge-holder. If someone did something to me without a proper sincere apology, I would hold that grudge for a long time. Let's just say that I have a classmate in primary school who was in my clique of friends when I was 11. Now, 8 years later, I still hate her. Hate is the word because in my opinion she deserves it. Second chances are fine, but they are only called second for a reason.

Well, maybe these weren't the things I really am bad at like singing or something, but they are all still a part of who I am.