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So, I know I have been very negative about my whole stay here but really there are some good sides to it. So today, I'll talk about those,

People here are very willing to give compliments. I'm still not used to it myself in the sense that I do not give out compliments as easily as others do but I try. People will tell you that they like you clothes, they like your hair, they like your shoes, they like whatever. They tell you good job on things, they tell you things like that that make your day. I was uncomfortable with accepting the compliments at first, but now I just say thank you. Usually people pay another compliment back in return... I'm still working on that. It was when I was thinking about Singapore when I realized this. We don't pay others compliments a lot in Singapore. I guess we have a different mentality that we should push them harder, but sometimes these compliments really helps to boost your confidence in working on something.

People are really open in talking to you. I once said a long time again that when I was in Singapore, it took me an entire year to start making friends in Singapore under the same University program. I am that hard of a person to make friends with if not added by the fact that I do not respond to messages and stuff. Here, because everyone talks to literally everyone, it makes it easier to make friends. As much as I am only here for such a short time, I have made many friends here. It came as a silver lining that I fell out with my Singaporean friend because I started to open my network. Many Singaporeans come here and they stick to their own circle of friends and don't open out to the other cultures that are available in this campus. Because I wasn't close to any Singaporeans, I had that chance. I've made friends from Malaysia, from Japan, from Korea, from China, from Russia, from US itself, and this is coming for someone who is like potentially an anti-social (no, I'm just too awkward to make friends and open up about myself).

People are willing to give you a ride if it is on the way. I mean the cars here come way cheaper than the ones in Singapore. You can literally buy a car for US$1500 but people are way more willing to car pool here than in Singapore. Okay, maybe that is part of the reason because if you have a car in Singapore it pretty much means you are at least moderately wealthy and you're scared of getting robbed, but it's really easy to carpool here. I once had this lady who saw me carrying bags of groceries back home and she gave me a ride back. I didn't even know her. I don't know her name. All she introduced herself as was that she worked in UB and would be willing to show me her card if it would make me feel safer to get a ride.

In a way, I guess these are the things that I would miss when I leave this place. That, and the Mexican food here.

Labels: appreciation, buffalo, school, the good things, USA

In light of my previous entry, and the upcoming movie hitting the theaters here on Valentines Day, 50 shades of grey, I'm once again, going on the whole topic of sex. Yea, I know that you're probably getting tired of it right now, but it just happened that my school published an entire campus newpaper on the topic itself which you can read right here.


To start off, the system here believes entirely on educating people to its fullest. I know this sounds kinda obvious maybe, but it isn't something that happens in Asia. We keep the conversation to families mostly. Like literally, the only talks I have heard from school is about menstruation, and we were separated from the guys so who even knows what they were talked about. I can't say for sure which way is better - to educate or leave it to their own curiosity. But I can only say sex here happens way more than it does in Asia. The whole premarital sex stigma exists more from where I am than it does here. People generally don't care if you are a virgin as long as you have some respect to keep it faithful, and just not "be a slut". But the weirdest thing that happens here is that if you ever say you never had sex before, they literally go "really?" It is like the weirdest thing to fathom for them. I literally have people asking me you've never kissed anyone before? You've never dated before? What?! How can that be?! For those who wonder what other responses I usually get back home, it usually goes like: "Don't worry, just focus on your studies now.","Dating's nothing much really. If the right guy comes along, then he comes; if not then who cares." or even "YEHHH, SINGLES FOREVER, *high fives*.

I know this whole issue of sex in my campus right now is due to the 50 shades of grey coming up soon. Let me make it clear that I haven't read all the articles in here, nor have I read 50 shades of grey but this was just disturbing not only for me, but for a fellow American student as well.


I mean this is, although it is college, still a campus. I entered college early but I was 16 when I started. If we go with the normal, 17 year olds and 18 year olds are here as freshmen and these newspaper are printed on bulk and left all over campus. I may be an exception to this, but I can honestly say that this is the first time I have seen images like this despite how much I read sex scenes, etc. (well, considering that I read them in literal words). I have no specific point in this post really; I'm just wondering how appropriate this is? All I can say is, I'm not the only one flustered about this issue. I spoke to 2 other girls from my dance club and both were so confused with why this paper was even published. I mean in a way it is a good thing that it was published. I can bet that this is their most popular issue in a long while, and it is informative in some ways, but was it appropriate? And again, it makes a lot of sense when you see the stats of it published in the same paper.


I mean... 6% had sex from 12-14??? I'm confused??? Like what??? You were just a kid then??? and then 38% from 15-17. That in itself is more than those who never had intercourse. I used to think that people are virgins until they say otherwise, but now I'm starting to think that more people than I knew of probably sitting next to me in class or something, are not. Like I said, I have no point in this, just sharing information and general thoughts (mortification, really) on how sexually active people are and from what a young age even.

Another thing I just want to briefly touch on, is the whole 50 shades of grey fiasco.
I read a lot. I read a lot more fan fiction - which was what 50 shades started off as. And I am here to say that I did try to read 50 shades just to see what everyone was talking about. I read one chapter and I was bored out of my mind, and just never touched it again. Thankfully, I was reading it as a free ebook so I didn't spend a cent on it. But from what I read online about the book, I don't support it at all. Not only are there so many other books (with sex) that deserves this recognition that 50 shades is getting, it is just not morally right.


So I have said that I don't watch porn but I do read a lot of sex scenes both in published books and in fanfiction. In fact, I'm going to come out and say that I usually skip normal sex scenes but not BDSM scenes. Maybe it makes more sense to me since it isn't all about the sex itself but more of the build up of the tension and everything. So really, I'm more for BDSM than sex itself. But reading these quotes make me sick to the gut. I really need to read the book to its end (no matter how boring it is) to really set a full opinion of my own on the book but from these quotes itself, it spells abuse and not BDSM.

Labels: buffalo, nsfw, rant, sex, tw: rape, USA

Hello peeps! I know I haven't blogged in quite a while. Life's been kinda busy and I really don't know where to start.
Well, on the latest news, there was a lunar eclipse just this morning/last night!! I woke up extra early just to see it and it was a total chance that I even found out about it through YikYak where the students were talking about it.


Yea, thank god for my camera with zoom lens. I was kind of reluctant to do it at first because I got home only after midnight yesterday due to dance practice and by the time I was done with so-called 'dinner', it was already about 1am. I had to wake up at about 5am for this so I was like... mehhh... But this is a once in a lifetime kind of thing so I went ahead and set my alarm and headed out in the dark. It wasn't all that cold but after standing there, watching for a full hour, yea it did feel cold. So there I was, standing in the parking lots of my estate, using my bike as a tripod stand and shivering while watching the moon. Still totally worth it though. Anyways, time for me to get ready for class. Till next time, Ciaos.

Labels: blood moon, buffalo, lunar eclipse, once in a lifetime, USA

I'm a very easy person to please in a way that I don't know is good or not. A single praise would make my entire day and flutter the feelings in me and in part, there is the innocence. The innocence of never dated before. The thing is, I'm not only an introvert, I'm shy. I thought I was much better than I used to be, because I would force myself to talk to people nowadays. But really, I'm still more comfortable with myself. 

Labels: buffalo, Depression, things about me

There has actually been so many things I have been doing here that I always forget to blog about, or just miss the timing to do so. To start of, I went to the cinema near my place on Friday to watch the Maze Runner. Tickets costs about $8.50 but the cinemas are really huge. They have huge recliner chairs for every one. The previous weekend, I went out camping. I have more pictures on my computer but I'll upload them next time. We camped out and then went to this Sky High Adventure Park to do a High Ropes course (or high elements as we would call it). It was really fun because everything is in between the trees and it's just so refreshing. The ones we have in Singapore feels so concrete that this one feels so much more relaxing in contrast. And the best thing is you don't have people constantly staring at you because you do everything yourself. The equipments allow us to lock in and out of the wires by our own and choose the courses we want to go. 

Labels: buffalo, daily activities, OAC, weekend

Labels: buffalo, fall

Let's hope this doesn't take too long because I'm sleepy and I have to wake up early tomorrow.
Well, I have said it before but I'm not a hard person to be made happy. I get happy over the slightest things.
Today, I'm happy because of dance. I have never been recognized to be an excellent dancer. Not even an above average one per se. But I do love to dance.
And the only thing I am capable of doing is working hard and trying my best. When I was taking ballet, my teacher told me that I shouldn't do the exam because I'm just not good enough. There was one period of time she really paid attention to me because she noticed that I was improving in my stretches and my pointes. Then I heard from a classmate that she will give special treatment to those she sees potential in, but then if you're not improving at the speed she expects you to, you get dropped like trash. Dance often comes hand in hand with politics and backstabbings, and I had that thought when I first applied for dance here (not that it stopped me but yea...). My previous dance school in singapore is definitely about politics and looking good. Everyone wants to stand out and do something good. So-called best friends are always bad mouthing each other once the other is out of sight. The teacher was good, I don't deny it, but the environment of that place really made me feel like going to dance was a chore.

Coming here, in a total new environment and knowing that I'd be one of the few Asians - and even then, not even a dance or theatre major, I expected there to be lots of shunning and the play of politics all over again. But it wasn't.

It was one of the first few classes that one of my classmates said "this is a judge-free zone so do what you want!" At first, I felt like it wasn't so. Dance majors are more recognized. But then I realized that it was just that the teacher knew only the dance majors but one thing good about people here are they aren't afraid to give compliments.

Today, after class, they were filming the dance we just learnt and I took the camera (I mean what do u expect, I stand on the other side of the lens) and my teacher was like:  aww, don't you want to dance?

Since I was helping the other singapore girl film, I just said that it's fine, that I would mess up towards the end.

And she said "but I think you did very well."

I mean she doesn't even know my name but it's like been a real long time I felt like, hey, look, I not that bad at this. And it just makes me so happy to know that, to hear that.

On another note, since I'm taking contemporary, I have been doing a lot of tumbling rolls. Yesterday, after my night dance club thingy, I was walking to the bus stand when I tripped and fell and on instinct I just went straight into a tumble roll and then sat there in position thinking: did that just happen? Looks like all that tumbling does have some use after all.

I'm a very clumsy person I must say. Andrew's roommate was like: you're very clumsy for a person who dances. And yes, I am. When I was in secondary school, I used to always trip over the last step of the stairs and then my friends would just go: again? Seriously?
It's no longer even a surprise for them to see me trip somewhere somehow even over flat surfaces. And that was the period when I ran rather quickly (I lost all my stamina now though) and it just doesn't make sense to them how I can come out top in all the sports meets events and yet continue to fall and stumble when I walk normally.

Anyways, time for bed now. I learned how to write my name in Katakana today~ kekeke.
Today has been a rather good day for me I must say.

Labels: buffalo, daily activities, dance, school

It has been an entire month since I first stepped into this very campus from which I am typing this post. Well, I usually only write in the comfort of my home where no one can see what I am typing, but since I have time while I am waiting for my group project meeting, I am doing this in the Computer Lab with an almost invisible font (which I will change before posting). But that's another thing.

1 month ago, exactly on the 23rd of August, I stepped into the school for orientation completely not knowing where anywhere is. time seemed to have passed... hmm, it was fast at some points but then again it was slow at some.

In a nutshell, I have joined a bazillion clubs and I'm going for the Dance one tonight. It starts at 8.45 and ends at 10.45pm so I'll probably reach home close to midnight as it is held in the other campus in the South.

I have the greatest satisfaction from Japanese classes, so I have to say that Japanese is my favorite class for the semester. Those classes always seem to pass so quickly especially from Mondays to Fridays when Sakamoto sensei is teaching. It is very early in the morning and I have been late several times but always only by less than 5 minutes. We also have tutorials with Japanese students studying here, and it is really helpful because there are only a maximum of 3 students with 1 Japanese student and we can ask questions we did not get to ask in class or clarify things with them. The amazing thing is that they don't receive any credit and yet they volunteer to help other students taking Japanese. We also get extra credit if we attend a certain number of tutorials so that is a major motivating factor.

I am really bad at making friends and I think about a lot of things before I even call someone a friend. So if you ask me if I have made new friends here, I would have to say that I am on friendly terms with some, but I wouldn't exactly call them my friends.

Japanese classes are really interactive so I have spoken to pretty much everyone in the class. I have spoken to some about animes and what we watch. I have spoken to some about general stuff like homework and weekends. I have spoken to some just to practice our Japanese. And then, there is Dance were there is another Singaporean (we are pretty much the only ones there) so we got to small talking and stuff like that. It started out because of a partner floorwork, and my hair color. There are people in my Outdoor Adventure club that I talk to but, again not on the deeper level. We usually just talk about how Singapore is different from Buffalo, and what we see in Buffalo and such. Things like how we do not see deers crossing the roads in Singapore or how lands are reclaimed there.

I have set the smoke detector off once but otherwise managed to make food for myself pretty decently. People party a lot here. Like every week there would be someone partying around the estate.

The weather is getting colder but still kind of crazy where one day it could be 3 degrees and the next it is 22 degree. Internet here is pretty good but torrenting is taken a lot more seriously than in Singapore.

And after the entire month, I still have one more day of the vacation trip we took in US and many more days from the Italy trip because I'm a lazy ass like this. Till next time, ciaos. I'm hungry.

Labels: buffalo, daily activities, school

Update: I might or might not have just set the smoke detector off in this place and I don't even know how because the ventilator was switched on on high and the heat was only a 5 out of 10. My chicken was no where near cooked.

Gave me quite the scare though.

On the good side though: I went to the DMV and I passed the learner's permit's test!! Hurrah! I'll probably start learning to drive asap before winter comes

Labels: buffalo, daily activities

So, today, for the first time, I heard about a rape case. I mean, I have read many accounts, have heard of people cautioning us about these happenings, but it just never felt as real as it did to me today. I do know it happens, I do know it is real, just that it suddenly felt so much nearer than I thought it was.

We were having this business club meeting when half way through, one of our group members read an SMS from her roommate that said that her roommate's friend was raped. There was an American in our group so we asked her some questions about how things work around here and it was like as if it was kind of normal to happen. Like no one exclaimed "What?!" or "Stop kidding, it's not funny." It was just "Oh shit."

And one of the things Danielle (I think that's how you spell her name) explained to us was that everyone here knows not to walk alone (bad example right here, I know) and that these things happen to anyone - boy, girl, big-sized, or petite (in her words, even if you are sumo-sized, you still can be a victim). She also said that Buffalo, and especially Amherst (where I'm staying) is counted as one of the safest cities in the state and maybe even entire country and yet these things still happen.

The girl who received the SMS was a China Chinese and she was like: China is so much safer than here.
I mean, we have to admit it. China has some bad points that many Singaporeans like to point out on - be it that they are loud and rude, or that cut queues and take too many samples. Yes, but you have to say that she is right that. China is safer than it is here in those terms.

It just doesn't make sense to me, you know? Such an established nation, who claims to be the best one around, and these things happens as part of a normality. Underground sex-trafficking has very little information (duh) but yet, when I did some reading around, many pointed back to this very nation. What is it that they are doing wrong that other nations are doing right?

Labels: buffalo, trigger warning, tw: rape, USA

1. People actually say 'bless you' if you sneeze (like if I'm in class and I sneeze, at least 3 other guys will just say bless you when I don't even know them.)

2. Practically everyone tells you to 'Have a good one/day/night'

Labels: buffalo, USA

Where do I start.. For some reason, it feels like a really long day for me today. Even though I slept late after blogging yesterday night because I was waiting for my laundry to be done, I woke up really early - even before my alarm rang. I sleep so much less here as compared to Singapore and it is not because I don't want to, but I just can't seem to sleep well for so long. I am usually able to sleep about anywhere but for some reason, I sleep only like 5 hours a day here and this coming from someone who usually sleeps for more than 12 hours a day, it's almost like a miracle.


I forgot to put this picture in yesterday's post. I was sending this to rinny because their studio is huge.

So, I had a Jap quiz today but it was rather easy. I should think I got it all right. I almost made a stupid mistake but thankfully I changed it just at the last moment.

Immediately after Jap, I started to cycle to the nearest Bank of America to get my bank details. I had problems receiving my bank details because when I called, they asked some security questions that included the state and city I applied, and I answered Buffalo instead of Amherst the first time I called (I mean, it was in the University of buffalo), plus the guy on the phone heard me saying 2 instead of 3 when he asked for my bank number thingy. So the first time, I didn't even get through security questions.
The 2nd time I called, the person serving me said that for some reason my information was blocked. So I had no access to my online banking, nor could I get my bank account number because apparently that is stated only in the online banking. I needed to bank in a cheque as well, because my school fees are due on the 5th of september, and my rent is due on the end of the month (though there is a grace period till the 4th).

So I took my bike, and rode down to the nearest bank.



I attended 2 more classes before I headed back home to dye my hair. I was just playing music and slowly dyeing my hair. I didn't even know how it would turn out because I was bleaching it first and when I applied it, for the first half an hour, it looked like nothing happened (because some parts of my hair was already bleached). Then for the 2nd half, I got on my computer for a bit and suddenly it is all bright.



At first I didn't like it. But when it dried out, it looked kinda cool (although I dyed too much of my fringe. I wanted it to be a fusion when I dyed it blue, that's why you still can see streaks of brown in between. I texted rinny the picture and went: I feel so anime. LOL. This is the first time my hair is this bright and it makes me feel like trying platinum blonde next time. I was so tempted to bleach it once more here and then, but I only bleached the ends the first time around so that wouldn't work well I think.

I didn't plan it out this way, but the bleached portion right now is exactly where I tie my hair so it's like 2 contrasting colors together when I tie it up, together with my bright fringe.



I'm just gonna leave it like this for now because I'm too damn lazy to shower again after dyeing it blue. I only have morning class tomorrow so I'll do it after class. On a different note, I realized my hair has grown quite a lot. It has been a long time since I had it this long when I tie it up. It usually just reaches the nape of my neck. I like it now though. But I'll probably lose my bangs and grow it out since hair cutting seems rather expensive here (at least where I have seen). My roommate just had her friend help her cut her hair today exactly when I was done bleaching my hair.


I have been repeating this song a lot today. I have never heard it before until yesterday during dance class, and since it is used for one of our combination, I made it a point to drill that song in my head.

Labels: buffalo, daily activities, dance, me, Pictures, USA

I'm not going to make a long post today because it's getting late and I have early class tomorrow.

1. Despite all the freedom America claims to have, I feel so controlled here. 

2. I had an argument with my roommate's friend from the first day I moved in.

I was already in a bad mood before she texted me, that I would have to admit. But she was being really rude and demanding because she wanted to live with her friends (my roommates). But the thing was that she didn't even bother asking me, but instead went straight to demanding. She literally texted me, quote, "I need you to change apartmeny with me" (yes, she typoed)

Like there was no introduction to who she was, and why I have to change with her, nothing. She just asked if I was who she was looking for and demanded that I changed with her. She didn't even bother to email me earlier to mention she wanted a change (our emails were all shared to our roommates in the email when we received our addresses) and I had already moved all my stuff in. Not only that, I was on my way to Canada with my family but she just went right on demanding that I started to get really cheesed off by her attics.



 I have mentioned this once, and I'll mention it again. I can't stand it when people just use vulgarities like it means nothing. I would not stoop to her level and act all barbaric. She had the guts to threaten me that her "cousin" (my roommate) was diabetic and if she had an attack, it would be my fault.

Well, guess what? Lies. All of them lies. Her "cousin" is not her "cousin" and her diabetes with medical equipment is also all a lie. She also said that they applied to stay together and the management made a mistake. Guess what. MORE LIES. 

I may not have many connections, and I may not have many friends but I trust my friends and unfortunately for her, Andrew was right there when they were texting me. Well, congratulations. Even though I did not exactly know that all she said was lies, I rejected her and found out the truth the next day from Andrew.

All I can say is, I have never been more glad I rejected her. She doesn't even deserve to change with me.

Thank god my roommates (her friends) are okay people and they seem rather nice. I'm fine with them and we talk but we pretend the incident never happened.

After that whole argument, I started to thinking about it. Was it really right of me to do that? But thanks to my friends, every single person who I spoke to about this incident have been very supportive and it makes me a little relieved that I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

3. My mum is controlling me all around the globe. 

I guess this relates back to number 1. I can't stand being controlled. I really need my freedom. When I was in Singapore, my parents let me do whatever I want because I am close by. But now that I am far, my mum wants to keep me in check and stuff. I'm very good at one thing, and that is ignoring text messages. So, she decided to text Andrew instead. Like telling him to tell me to give him stuff. Or telling him to tell me to do stuff or even telling him to help me with stuff. Like, I understand that she is worried and all but I can handle my own stuff. Why must you tell him to tell me to give him stuff? I don't mean to be selfish, but that is my stuff. It's not even that. Telling him to do stuff for me, makes me uncomfortable. I don't know about you but I like to do my own stuff. If I have to build a bookshelf, well, I'd like to do it myself (the whole part of being independent). I bought hair dye, and she keeps asking me why I haven't dyed my hair. Well, I'm sorry I have been in school? And when I tell her stuff, she just refuses to listen. I'll explain more about that in one of my posts of my vacation.




But the purpose of this post isn't to complain. 
The point of this whole thing is to say that I have found a sort of an outlet for me. 

I have tried many things. I swear. I watched tv shows, I watched performances, I watched youtube videos, I tried to hang out with people (why did I even try? That just made me more upset), I tried to go to school events, I even bought crayons to just vent on something because trust me, I don't like being upset.

1. Cycling 

 Before my parents left, we got a bicycle from Walmart. I used that as an excuse to get away from people. I mean when I walk or take the shuttle to school with people, it is just expected that we talk or something. But with cycling, I have my little alone time and the breeze against my face is just an added bonus. I feel like I can finally do something on my own. Well, that and because Andrew doesn't have a bike so it means I can even get around places on my own. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but really, after all that constricted environment, it means a lot. 

2. Dancing 

I don't really know if it is a total coincidence that both are exercises (probably not) because I usually don't like to exercise. I have been wanting to dance for a very long time. I had quit Jazz (which I took for 2 years) and Ballet (which I have learnt for 10 years) because of my major exam at that time. The classes were really time consuming at that time because I had a very strict teacher. We would go to class 3 times a week and stay there for hours after we were done with school. I never really got back to dance after that. I did join 1 dance course in a community center but honestly, I did not even break a sweat in those and it just didn't feel like I accomplished anything.

I knew I had to get back into dance. I went to the club fairs in the orientation set on just joining dance (and I did apply, but I'm waiting for an email to come). Because emails were not coming (not even from the other clubs I joined), I got impatient, and added a course into my schedule.

3. Japanese

 This one really struck me halfway while I was typing. Jap classes and learning Jap in general. I get this sense of achievement when I can read a word, or when I remember how to write a character. It's like creating something out of nothing (in my mind), and that sense of achievement just makes me happy. It's similar to dance - creating something out of nothing. And even though I have to wake up early for my Japanese class, I still don't mind. It allows me to cycle to school alone (bonus!!) and it gives me more time alone after class too.



In conclusion, this woman here needs her freedom. If I lose my freedom, I am more than certain I will get moody, snappy and depressed. I just can't be told that I'm not allowed to go to the mall alone because it is dangerous. I understand that it may be dangerous but it's just how I have grown up till now. I have been going out on my own since I was 9 or 10. I would go out the house and buy snacks from the store 10 minutes away and walk around my house estate without a care in the world. Suddenly telling me that I need an escort and bodyguard like I am - what? - a 6 year old? Well, I just can't accept that.

Labels: buffalo, daily activities, dance, life, me, school, things about me, things I can't stand, USA

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Residing in: Here, There, Everywhere.
School: University at Buffalo
Birthday: 9th December
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