Things that makes me happy
Let's hope this doesn't take too long because I'm sleepy and I have to wake up early tomorrow.Well, I have said it before but I'm not a hard person to be made happy. I get happy over the slightest things.
Today, I'm happy because of dance. I have never been recognized to be an excellent dancer. Not even an above average one per se. But I do love to dance.
And the only thing I am capable of doing is working hard and trying my best. When I was taking ballet, my teacher told me that I shouldn't do the exam because I'm just not good enough. There was one period of time she really paid attention to me because she noticed that I was improving in my stretches and my pointes. Then I heard from a classmate that she will give special treatment to those she sees potential in, but then if you're not improving at the speed she expects you to, you get dropped like trash. Dance often comes hand in hand with politics and backstabbings, and I had that thought when I first applied for dance here (not that it stopped me but yea...). My previous dance school in singapore is definitely about politics and looking good. Everyone wants to stand out and do something good. So-called best friends are always bad mouthing each other once the other is out of sight. The teacher was good, I don't deny it, but the environment of that place really made me feel like going to dance was a chore.
Coming here, in a total new environment and knowing that I'd be one of the few Asians - and even then, not even a dance or theatre major, I expected there to be lots of shunning and the play of politics all over again. But it wasn't.
It was one of the first few classes that one of my classmates said "this is a judge-free zone so do what you want!" At first, I felt like it wasn't so. Dance majors are more recognized. But then I realized that it was just that the teacher knew only the dance majors but one thing good about people here are they aren't afraid to give compliments.
Today, after class, they were filming the dance we just learnt and I took the camera (I mean what do u expect, I stand on the other side of the lens) and my teacher was like: aww, don't you want to dance?
Since I was helping the other singapore girl film, I just said that it's fine, that I would mess up towards the end.
And she said "but I think you did very well."
I mean she doesn't even know my name but it's like been a real long time I felt like, hey, look, I not that bad at this. And it just makes me so happy to know that, to hear that.
On another note, since I'm taking contemporary, I have been doing a lot of tumbling rolls. Yesterday, after my night dance club thingy, I was walking to the bus stand when I tripped and fell and on instinct I just went straight into a tumble roll and then sat there in position thinking: did that just happen? Looks like all that tumbling does have some use after all.
I'm a very clumsy person I must say. Andrew's roommate was like: you're very clumsy for a person who dances. And yes, I am. When I was in secondary school, I used to always trip over the last step of the stairs and then my friends would just go: again? Seriously?
It's no longer even a surprise for them to see me trip somewhere somehow even over flat surfaces. And that was the period when I ran rather quickly (I lost all my stamina now though) and it just doesn't make sense to them how I can come out top in all the sports meets events and yet continue to fall and stumble when I walk normally.
Anyways, time for bed now. I learned how to write my name in Katakana today~ kekeke.
Today has been a rather good day for me I must say.
Labels: buffalo, daily activities, dance, school
Such Anime, Much Blonde
Where do I start.. For some reason, it feels like a really long day for me today. Even though I slept late after blogging yesterday night because I was waiting for my laundry to be done, I woke up really early - even before my alarm rang. I sleep so much less here as compared to Singapore and it is not because I don't want to, but I just can't seem to sleep well for so long. I am usually able to sleep about anywhere but for some reason, I sleep only like 5 hours a day here and this coming from someone who usually sleeps for more than 12 hours a day, it's almost like a miracle.
I forgot to put this picture in yesterday's post. I was sending this to rinny because their studio is huge.
So, I had a Jap quiz today but it was rather easy. I should think I got it all right. I almost made a stupid mistake but thankfully I changed it just at the last moment.
Immediately after Jap, I started to cycle to the nearest Bank of America to get my bank details. I had problems receiving my bank details because when I called, they asked some security questions that included the state and city I applied, and I answered Buffalo instead of Amherst the first time I called (I mean, it was in the University of buffalo), plus the guy on the phone heard me saying 2 instead of 3 when he asked for my bank number thingy. So the first time, I didn't even get through security questions.
The 2nd time I called, the person serving me said that for some reason my information was blocked. So I had no access to my online banking, nor could I get my bank account number because apparently that is stated only in the online banking. I needed to bank in a cheque as well, because my school fees are due on the 5th of september, and my rent is due on the end of the month (though there is a grace period till the 4th).
So I took my bike, and rode down to the nearest bank.
Like I mentioned in the previous post, I'm just enjoying every single moment that I can be alone, and this was one of them. Thankfully, I managed to get all my information from the bank. Unfortunately, my cheque may take up to 7 days to process. Hopefully it could process in time for me to pay all my bills.
I finished earlier than I thought, so I went to the dollar store and got some rubber bands and combs because I was planning to dye my hair, and then headed back to school. Since I still had time before my next class, I went ahead to get my ticket for a dance recital that I needed to go for a review. When I saw the syllabus, I was already pinned on getting this dance recital. We were allowed to choose from 3 different recitals, but this was the rite of spring. I don't know how good the group is, but if they would dare to do the rite of spring, all I can say is that I would probably be good. The tickets are also more expensive than the other 2 recitals but heck it. I'm lucky I went to get my tickets rather early into the semester because I got the 4th row tickets. I wanted to get the center branch of seats but they were taken all the way down to Row N. My seat is on the aisle though so, it isn't that much to the side.
I attended 2 more classes before I headed back home to dye my hair. I was just playing music and slowly dyeing my hair. I didn't even know how it would turn out because I was bleaching it first and when I applied it, for the first half an hour, it looked like nothing happened (because some parts of my hair was already bleached). Then for the 2nd half, I got on my computer for a bit and suddenly it is all bright.
At first I didn't like it. But when it dried out, it looked kinda cool (although I dyed too much of my fringe. I wanted it to be a fusion when I dyed it blue, that's why you still can see streaks of brown in between. I texted rinny the picture and went: I feel so anime. LOL. This is the first time my hair is this bright and it makes me feel like trying platinum blonde next time. I was so tempted to bleach it once more here and then, but I only bleached the ends the first time around so that wouldn't work well I think.
I didn't plan it out this way, but the bleached portion right now is exactly where I tie my hair so it's like 2 contrasting colors together when I tie it up, together with my bright fringe.
I'm just gonna leave it like this for now because I'm too damn lazy to shower again after dyeing it blue. I only have morning class tomorrow so I'll do it after class. On a different note, I realized my hair has grown quite a lot. It has been a long time since I had it this long when I tie it up. It usually just reaches the nape of my neck. I like it now though. But I'll probably lose my bangs and grow it out since hair cutting seems rather expensive here (at least where I have seen). My roommate just had her friend help her cut her hair today exactly when I was done bleaching my hair.
I have been repeating this song a lot today. I have never heard it before until yesterday during dance class, and since it is used for one of our combination, I made it a point to drill that song in my head.
Labels: buffalo, daily activities, dance, me, Pictures, USA
I miss dancing so much
I'm not going to make a long post today because it's getting late and I have early class tomorrow.
I haven't been able to sleep at night these days (I mean, what's new? I'm reverting to my own sleep cycle), but I was busy the entire day today with Japanese class starting at 9 am and I just came back from Contemporary dance class at 10pm.
Well, I have to admit, I have not been in the best moods lately because of reasons
1. Despite all the freedom America claims to have, I feel so controlled here.
What do I mean? For a freedom-loving person and a very independent individual, I can't stand being tied down. I absolutely can't have some escort or bodyguard following me 24/7. But America is not "safe" per se (or at least it isn't in comparison to Singapore). So, from the orientation, lecturers and professors, doctors and police, everyone is warning us not go out alone. But unfortunately, that is something I can't take. I have resigned to having Andrew follow me everywhere because I'm just not allowed to go out alone. I know he means well, but I feel so constricted and just like I have no space to breathe. I can't shop if I have friends with me, I can't do shit if I'm with people.
Suddenly I found myself in a totally new lifestyle where I'm not allowed to be independent (does that even make sense?)
America can have all the freedom of speech and freedom of rights they have but I have never felt this constricted and restricted before.
2. I had an argument with my roommate's friend from the first day I moved in.I was already in a bad mood before she texted me, that I would have to admit. But she was being really rude and demanding because she wanted to live with her friends (my roommates). But the thing was that she didn't even bother asking me, but instead went straight to demanding. She literally texted me, quote, "I need you to change apartmeny with me" (yes, she typoed)
Like there was no introduction to who she was, and why I have to change with her, nothing. She just asked if I was who she was looking for and demanded that I changed with her. She didn't even bother to email me earlier to mention she wanted a change (our emails were all shared to our roommates in the email when we received our addresses) and I had already moved all my stuff in. Not only that, I was on my way to Canada with my family but she just went right on demanding that I started to get really cheesed off by her attics.
I have mentioned this once, and I'll mention it again. I can't stand it when people just use vulgarities like it means nothing. I would not stoop to her level and act all barbaric. She had the guts to threaten me that her "cousin" (my roommate) was diabetic and if she had an attack, it would be my fault.
Well, guess what? Lies. All of them lies. Her "cousin" is not her "cousin" and her diabetes with medical equipment is also all a lie. She also said that they applied to stay together and the management made a mistake. Guess what. MORE LIES.
I may not have many connections, and I may not have many friends but I trust my friends and unfortunately for her, Andrew was right there when they were texting me. Well, congratulations. Even though I did not exactly know that all she said was lies, I rejected her and found out the truth the next day from Andrew.
All I can say is, I have never been more glad I rejected her. She doesn't even deserve to change with me.
Thank god my roommates (her friends) are okay people and they seem rather nice. I'm fine with them and we talk but we pretend the incident never happened.
After that whole argument, I started to thinking about it. Was it really right of me to do that? But thanks to my friends, every single person who I spoke to about this incident have been very supportive and it makes me a little relieved that I'm not the only one who thinks this way.
3. My mum is controlling me all around the globe.I guess this relates back to number 1. I can't stand being controlled. I really need my freedom. When I was in Singapore, my parents let me do whatever I want because I am close by. But now that I am far, my mum wants to keep me in check and stuff. I'm very good at one thing, and that is ignoring text messages. So, she decided to text Andrew instead. Like telling him to tell me to give him stuff. Or telling him to tell me to do stuff or even telling him to help me with stuff. Like, I understand that she is worried and all but I can handle my own stuff. Why must you tell him to tell me to give him stuff? I don't mean to be selfish, but that is my stuff. It's not even that. Telling him to do stuff for me, makes me uncomfortable. I don't know about you but I like to do my own stuff. If I have to build a bookshelf, well, I'd like to do it myself (the whole part of being independent). I bought hair dye, and she keeps asking me why I haven't dyed my hair. Well, I'm sorry I have been in school? And when I tell her stuff, she just refuses to listen. I'll explain more about that in one of my posts of my vacation.
But the purpose of this post isn't to complain.
The point of this whole thing is to say that I have found a sort of an outlet for me.
I have tried many things. I swear. I watched tv shows, I watched performances, I watched youtube videos, I tried to hang out with people (why did I even try? That just made me more upset), I tried to go to school events, I even bought crayons to just vent on something because trust me, I don't like being upset.
1. CyclingBefore my parents left, we got a bicycle from Walmart. I used that as an excuse to get away from people. I mean when I walk or take the shuttle to school with people, it is just expected that we talk or something. But with cycling, I have my little alone time and the breeze against my face is just an added bonus. I feel like I can finally do something on my own. Well, that and because Andrew doesn't have a bike so it means I can even get around places on my own. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but really, after all that constricted environment, it means a lot.
2. DancingI don't really know if it is a total coincidence that both are exercises (probably not) because I usually don't like to exercise. I have been wanting to dance for a very long time. I had quit Jazz (which I took for 2 years) and Ballet (which I have learnt for 10 years) because of my major exam at that time. The classes were really time consuming at that time because I had a very strict teacher. We would go to class 3 times a week and stay there for hours after we were done with school. I never really got back to dance after that. I did join 1 dance course in a community center but honestly, I did not even break a sweat in those and it just didn't feel like I accomplished anything.
I knew I had to get back into dance. I went to the club fairs in the orientation set on just joining dance (and I did apply, but I'm waiting for an email to come). Because emails were not coming (not even from the other clubs I joined), I got impatient, and added a course into my schedule.
ATH207, there, is an introductory class to beginning contemporary dance. I have wanted to learn contemporary for at least 4 years now. Even when I was doing ballet, I wanted to do contemporary. I felt it was more personal and emotional. So even though the class is relatively far from where I am staying, and not to mention at 8pm, I took it without much hesitation. I just came back from my first class and I do not regret a thing. I feel like I have let loose some of my stress just from dancing alone. I'm not a very good dancer per se, but having danced for 10 years would bring you somewhere even if you are not good to start with. I used to be non-committal towards dance. I was never as motivated as my other ballet classmates, but dance still means a lot to me. And it comes to me in all sorts of different manners sometimes.
3. JapaneseThis one really struck me halfway while I was typing. Jap classes and learning Jap in general. I get this sense of achievement when I can read a word, or when I remember how to write a character. It's like creating something out of nothing (in my mind), and that sense of achievement just makes me happy. It's similar to dance - creating something out of nothing. And even though I have to wake up early for my Japanese class, I still don't mind. It allows me to cycle to school alone (bonus!!) and it gives me more time alone after class too.
In conclusion, this woman here needs her freedom. If I lose my freedom, I am more than certain I will get moody, snappy and depressed. I just can't be told that I'm not allowed to go to the mall alone because it is dangerous. I understand that it may be dangerous but it's just how I have grown up till now. I have been going out on my own since I was 9 or 10. I would go out the house and buy snacks from the store 10 minutes away and walk around my house estate without a care in the world. Suddenly telling me that I need an escort and bodyguard like I am - what? - a 6 year old? Well, I just can't accept that.
Labels: buffalo, daily activities, dance, life, me, school, things about me, things I can't stand, USA
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