Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse
Hello peeps! I know I haven't blogged in quite a while. Life's been kinda busy and I really don't know where to start.Well, on the latest news, there was a lunar eclipse just this morning/last night!! I woke up extra early just to see it and it was a total chance that I even found out about it through YikYak where the students were talking about it.
Yea, thank god for my camera with zoom lens. I was kind of reluctant to do it at first because I got home only after midnight yesterday due to dance practice and by the time I was done with so-called 'dinner', it was already about 1am. I had to wake up at about 5am for this so I was like... mehhh... But this is a once in a lifetime kind of thing so I went ahead and set my alarm and headed out in the dark. It wasn't all that cold but after standing there, watching for a full hour, yea it did feel cold. So there I was, standing in the parking lots of my estate, using my bike as a tripod stand and shivering while watching the moon. Still totally worth it though. Anyways, time for me to get ready for class. Till next time, Ciaos.
Labels: blood moon, buffalo, lunar eclipse, once in a lifetime, USA
This is me
I'm a very easy person to please in a way that I don't know is good or not. A single praise would make my entire day and flutter the feelings in me and in part, there is the innocence. The innocence of never dated before. The thing is, I'm not only an introvert, I'm shy. I thought I was much better than I used to be, because I would force myself to talk to people nowadays. But really, I'm still more comfortable with myself. Getting thrown into this environment made me come to this realization that the shyness never went away. I just forced it down a little. I don't talk to people, period. I'm extremely bad at keeping up a conversation with people I just meet so it's like you can totally expect an abrupt conversation end from me and then an awkward silence following.
Yet, when I'm familiar with people, I go a little crazy. I tend to be crazy a lot with Rinny and dammit, I miss her. I talk shit loads when I'm with Nicole. Basically, if we click, I have a lot to say. It has come to the point that I keep so many things personal to me that no one knows what I really am. Sometimes I don't know what I really am.
And I honestly believe that Rinny is the only one I actually know in real who knows my favorite band, my favorite member of the band, and even she doesn't know my favorite song.
It's to the point that people around me don't know my favorite color, my favorite genre of songs, my past time, anything. Anything that anyone knows about me barely even skims the top. And I don't feel comfortable sharing about things like these to just anyone. Like my favorite band is something personal to me, like a guilty pleasure where I can seek joy from in my moment of solace. Or like how dancing makes me so much happier but before I came here, it was like my classmates barely even hears me say a word about dance.
I keep so many things to myself. Even if someone ask, I might make up shit to answer them because I don't like to get judged for my choice. If I were not comfortable with the person asking I'd just give a socially acceptable answer instead.
It was during class today that it struck me. I'm so bad at accepting praise. I just can't. Like if you leave me to do things, I'll work hard towards it. But if someone points it out to the entire class, I just grow flustered and mess up (which I did). It's not saying that I did not like it. I mean I do like the acknowledgment. I'm just horrible at giving an appropriate reply for it.
And that's why, I sometimes doubt it when people give me praise. I rarely get them, and I stutter a thank you and glow with happiness for the entire day. But somewhere along the way, I start thinking "were they being sarcastic?", "did they mean it in another way?" And it overthink things to the point that I spoil it for myself.
On a different note, how does one even know if they are depressed? Like mildly depressed but not extreme to the point that they would like to kill themselves. I was on yikyak and I asked that very same question. I got many replies, one of which was that there were self-assessment for depression so curious curious me went ahead a tried. Well, I felt like the questions were a little too obvious, but otherwise, I got "moderately depressed" for nearly all of them. One of them stated that it had similar symptoms to bipolar disorder so it might be that instead.
Just the thought though. I never thought of myself as depressed (who knows, maybe I am but I refuse to accept that). I do have some funny thoughts like how I take every opportunity to tell myself "I'm amazing." Like I go grocery shopping alone and make it home safely, and I tell myself "I'm amazing." Or if I go do well in a quiz, I encourage myself the same way. I do have low self-esteem since I was a kid, so there's that, and in a way, telling myself that "I'm amazing" makes me believe it I guess? And I honestly feel like I inch towards optimism more and I have never thought any true depressing thoughts. Everyone has their uncertainty for the future, and for me, that is pretty much it. The only problem with me is that sometimes I laugh, and even I don't know if I'm laughing just as an act.
Well, depressed or not, to me it is just a term. Because honestly, these feelings have been with me a long time. The low self-esteem, the extreme shyness and the introvert I am, they have been who I am since the start of time.
When I was a kid, my mum even brought me to a psychologist because she felt like I cried too much (low self-esteem). So technically, I can say "I'm not crazy, my mum had me tested."
(I really want to get a shirt that says that. Would be so cool kekeke)
Labels: buffalo, Depression, things about me
Shows and weekends
There has actually been so many things I have been doing here that I always forget to blog about, or just miss the timing to do so. To start of, I went to the cinema near my place on Friday to watch the Maze Runner. Tickets costs about $8.50 but the cinemas are really huge. They have huge recliner chairs for every one. 
That same night, we went to watch Colin and Brad from Whose Line is it? in our school theatre. We bought tickets on the second deck but later saw closer I taken seats up front and moved ahead (we actually paid the more expensive price so technically we aren't really freeloading the better seats just that we didn't manage to get those seats when we bought our tickets.)
It was really funny though. I took some videos but really, you probably just head my laughter through half of it.
I even bought an autographed cd for $20
They were acting with 100 mouse traps on the floor and it was really hilarious because they just started throwing them at each other like little kids in the end.
These are the zip lines, and it is really fun because they go in between trees and aren't too short.
Somewhere towards the end, it started pouring heavily and it was so fun. I mean, I love the rain. I would just play in the rain if it doesn't equate to me falling sick. But when the weather is warm, the rain just feels so good. I completed the course I was on completely in the rain and ended up so drenched.
I bought chicken tenders and curly fries after that and it just felt so good because they were freshly made and piping hot. Since I was wet and kinda cold, that just tasted so good in comparison.
I have always liked high elements obstacles. I don't know, it just feels so fun to me. The few times I did it, it was with my class and most girls just don't like things like this (or pretend they don't because society) and I would just go ahead and do them because they're fun. Like, stay behind for all I care, I'm going ahead, bye! Hahaha.
Of course, my favorites are the zip lines and flying foxes. I just love the breeze. Funnily enough though, I had had the chance to do bungee jumping in New Zealand and yet I didn't dare to. And I probably wouldn't do Skydiving either. Those seem too extreme for me, but these smaller scaled obstacle courses are good for me. Keke.
Unlike last weekend, I spent this weekend nearly entirely at home. I went out yesterday for a dance class for the club, but came back after that, ate lunch and went to sleep. I woke up at night to play with phone only to sleep again at 6am. I slept through the entire day till 7pm when one of my friends asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner. I considere it for awhile before I decided that if I did not go, I would probably just skip another meal. So I went out and we had Asian food today. I had Vietnamnese pho and it was considerably good. That is the reason why I'm still awake at 3am right now even though I have class at 9am tomorrow. Thank god I don't have any quizzes for Japanese tomorrow, though I do have one for finance class in the afternoon and I have not studied for it at all. That being said, I shall attempt to sleep now. Night night.
Labels: buffalo, daily activities, OAC, weekend
Fall
I have always said that autumn is my favorite season even though I have never actually experienced a fall season. But from pictures itself, I know that I would love it, and I do. Constantly, I find myself standing in the middle of the street looking like an idiot as I pull out my phone and snap random pictures of trees along the way. I just love the colors of fall and the weather now is pretty much perfect as well. It really amazes me how one day the trees can be green and the next day it's virtually completely yellow. I guess this could be due to the weird weather we had been having were it was way below what it was meant to be. I heard that 6 degree temperatures are actually November weather when it is close to start snowing. Now, it is almost always about 20 degrees out so I wear my shorts while I still can.
Things that makes me happy
Let's hope this doesn't take too long because I'm sleepy and I have to wake up early tomorrow.Well, I have said it before but I'm not a hard person to be made happy. I get happy over the slightest things.
Today, I'm happy because of dance. I have never been recognized to be an excellent dancer. Not even an above average one per se. But I do love to dance.
And the only thing I am capable of doing is working hard and trying my best. When I was taking ballet, my teacher told me that I shouldn't do the exam because I'm just not good enough. There was one period of time she really paid attention to me because she noticed that I was improving in my stretches and my pointes. Then I heard from a classmate that she will give special treatment to those she sees potential in, but then if you're not improving at the speed she expects you to, you get dropped like trash. Dance often comes hand in hand with politics and backstabbings, and I had that thought when I first applied for dance here (not that it stopped me but yea...). My previous dance school in singapore is definitely about politics and looking good. Everyone wants to stand out and do something good. So-called best friends are always bad mouthing each other once the other is out of sight. The teacher was good, I don't deny it, but the environment of that place really made me feel like going to dance was a chore.
Coming here, in a total new environment and knowing that I'd be one of the few Asians - and even then, not even a dance or theatre major, I expected there to be lots of shunning and the play of politics all over again. But it wasn't.
It was one of the first few classes that one of my classmates said "this is a judge-free zone so do what you want!" At first, I felt like it wasn't so. Dance majors are more recognized. But then I realized that it was just that the teacher knew only the dance majors but one thing good about people here are they aren't afraid to give compliments.
Today, after class, they were filming the dance we just learnt and I took the camera (I mean what do u expect, I stand on the other side of the lens) and my teacher was like: aww, don't you want to dance?
Since I was helping the other singapore girl film, I just said that it's fine, that I would mess up towards the end.
And she said "but I think you did very well."
I mean she doesn't even know my name but it's like been a real long time I felt like, hey, look, I not that bad at this. And it just makes me so happy to know that, to hear that.
On another note, since I'm taking contemporary, I have been doing a lot of tumbling rolls. Yesterday, after my night dance club thingy, I was walking to the bus stand when I tripped and fell and on instinct I just went straight into a tumble roll and then sat there in position thinking: did that just happen? Looks like all that tumbling does have some use after all.
I'm a very clumsy person I must say. Andrew's roommate was like: you're very clumsy for a person who dances. And yes, I am. When I was in secondary school, I used to always trip over the last step of the stairs and then my friends would just go: again? Seriously?
It's no longer even a surprise for them to see me trip somewhere somehow even over flat surfaces. And that was the period when I ran rather quickly (I lost all my stamina now though) and it just doesn't make sense to them how I can come out top in all the sports meets events and yet continue to fall and stumble when I walk normally.
Anyways, time for bed now. I learned how to write my name in Katakana today~ kekeke.
Today has been a rather good day for me I must say.
Labels: buffalo, daily activities, dance, school
Tick Tock Tick Tock
It has been an entire month since I first stepped into this very campus from which I am typing this post. Well, I usually only write in the comfort of my home where no one can see what I am typing, but since I have time while I am waiting for my group project meeting, I am doing this in the Computer Lab with an almost invisible font (which I will change before posting). But that's another thing.1 month ago, exactly on the 23rd of August, I stepped into the school for orientation completely not knowing where anywhere is. time seemed to have passed... hmm, it was fast at some points but then again it was slow at some.
In a nutshell, I have joined a bazillion clubs and I'm going for the Dance one tonight. It starts at 8.45 and ends at 10.45pm so I'll probably reach home close to midnight as it is held in the other campus in the South.
I have the greatest satisfaction from Japanese classes, so I have to say that Japanese is my favorite class for the semester. Those classes always seem to pass so quickly especially from Mondays to Fridays when Sakamoto sensei is teaching. It is very early in the morning and I have been late several times but always only by less than 5 minutes. We also have tutorials with Japanese students studying here, and it is really helpful because there are only a maximum of 3 students with 1 Japanese student and we can ask questions we did not get to ask in class or clarify things with them. The amazing thing is that they don't receive any credit and yet they volunteer to help other students taking Japanese. We also get extra credit if we attend a certain number of tutorials so that is a major motivating factor.
I am really bad at making friends and I think about a lot of things before I even call someone a friend. So if you ask me if I have made new friends here, I would have to say that I am on friendly terms with some, but I wouldn't exactly call them my friends.
Japanese classes are really interactive so I have spoken to pretty much everyone in the class. I have spoken to some about animes and what we watch. I have spoken to some about general stuff like homework and weekends. I have spoken to some just to practice our Japanese. And then, there is Dance were there is another Singaporean (we are pretty much the only ones there) so we got to small talking and stuff like that. It started out because of a partner floorwork, and my hair color. There are people in my Outdoor Adventure club that I talk to but, again not on the deeper level. We usually just talk about how Singapore is different from Buffalo, and what we see in Buffalo and such. Things like how we do not see deers crossing the roads in Singapore or how lands are reclaimed there.
I have set the smoke detector off once but otherwise managed to make food for myself pretty decently. People party a lot here. Like every week there would be someone partying around the estate.
The weather is getting colder but still kind of crazy where one day it could be 3 degrees and the next it is 22 degree. Internet here is pretty good but torrenting is taken a lot more seriously than in Singapore.
And after the entire month, I still have one more day of the vacation trip we took in US and many more days from the Italy trip because I'm a lazy ass like this. Till next time, ciaos. I'm hungry.
Labels: buffalo, daily activities, school
Gave me quite the scare though.
On the good side though: I went to the DMV and I passed the learner's permit's test!! Hurrah! I'll probably start learning to drive asap before winter comes
Labels: buffalo, daily activities
Obviously in construction at the moment... or maybe forever because I'm lazy like this ;)
Visit Montana, Yellowstone National Park